2007, July, New Orleans.

"Look, Tarek babe, isn't this awesome ?
-Oh my ! I've dreamt 'bout this kinda thing my whole life !
-Really ? Then it's for you.
-Wha.. True ? Oh mah God, thank yeh so much Jay !
-Ha ha ! Look at you, how excited you are. Where do you want to go now ?
-Mm... Wanna.. Wanna go see the amusement park !
-All right. Come, Poppet.
-Don't call mah tha' !
-Oh ? Or what ?
-... Che !
-I like that sound."

My cheeks took a pink red color. What was this supposed to mean ? Anyway. He took my hips in his arm, and I placed my head on his shoulder, peaceful but ashamed. I actually liked him. And I wasn't supposed to. I wished I hate him, and he was in prison, but I'm here with me. Well he's paying for the trip, we're in New Orleans and everything's just fantastic. The sun, people, magic everywhere, the city's just awesome. Days pass quickly, and nothing happens, we're like an uncle and his nephew. I'm glad. I have every thing I want, we visit all I decide to, we've even rode to the ocean once.

The waves are crashing slowly, and the warm wind brush my skin, salt sticking on my eyelashes. Gipsy Kings plays joyfully on the radio and I dance, dance, again and again, like some Esmeralda, laughing and slapping at the waves and sand. I guess his almond like brown eyes sliding along my body, the muscles moving on my thighs and belly, in my back. Yes, you want me Jay, I know what's on your mind, I know perfectly why you've bring me here, on this deserted private beach, why you've put those gipsy songs on the radio. I know.
He walk to me, like some predator moving to the prey, sexy as hell. His hands comes to my hips, and I rock against his body, tasting the sweet contact on me. I'm terrified. I feel the fear building in my stomach, my throat contracting to contain the sobs. His tongue slide on my neck, my ear, and a sigh escape my lips. If I show any fear, he'll be on me in  a second and take me hard, uncarefully. So well... Why not simulate ? The fingers founds their old places on my hips scars, and he push his body nearer. I control my tremblings. And he knows how to touch a human being, he knows it. He makes me lye on the sand, his mouth travelling on my chest, in my navel. I begin to moan, sigh and take his hair in my hands, arching my back to the delights he does to me. He takes me slow, and I cry out. Oh my God, yes ! My teeth clamps on my tongue, and a warm feeling comes to me. I feel him pounding in me, and my voice rises and I dig my nails in his back's skin. I can feel it build in my low belly, moving my waist quicker and quicker to make the pleasure increase. I want to reach it, the so much wanted climax. Oh fuck, yes, shit it's so good ! I let shrieks echo on the beach, I like this, oh yes, oh my God, yes. And then it comes. My head bounces back and I push abruptly on him, howling my release, shaking, only white in my vision. He let my thigh he had push to my ass to have much more impact go, pulls back out of me. I'm out of breath. And while he approaches his hand to stroke my shoulders and neck, I slap it away angrily.
"No.
-What, 'no' ? What does this mean Tarek babe ?
-It means no, you don't touch meh.
-Oh. Well I just touched you more than that just now did not I ?
-Yes, yeh did. And now quit it 'kay ? Don't try to play it tender with meh. I perfectly know I'm just a slut.
-No, you are not poppet.
-TOLDJA ALREADY TER STOP CALLIN' MEH THA' !!
-Tarek babe, I do not understand Irish accent.
-Is it mah fault ?! Well leave now. Yeh've got meh. No. I'm leaving.
-You are not going any where !"
The shock takes me hard in the stomach. I scream, and the fist hit my face. They come harder and harder, I beg for pardon, I struggle desperatly. Then he clad me to the floor, face in the sand and I cry my terror and pain while he burries himself deep inside of me. I have sand in my mouth, I beg again. Why did I said...
"You are mine.
-No...
-You ARE !
-AAH !! Nah ! Please, DON'T !
-Shut the hell up !
-NO ! Stop it !! Ha, aw ! I BEG yeh !
-Would you stop screaming, stupid bitch ?!"


I woke up howling. A long, long agony scream. I was sweating. And shaking with my whole body. I realized I was crying.Oh my... Why did I dreamt about that ? I was smothering. I wanted to die, right now. I looked at my boyfriend, heavily sleeping. Why the hell...? Why do I not understand this world around ? Why I am freezing, is that it, dying ? Am I really obligated to follow them out my own reality ? I started to sob. Silently. I wanted to forget. But it's deeper than I thought. I want to erase those memories, really, definitely. I want to be for Matt, and him alone, to just... Fly away. Out this mini world, to another where the flowers aren't withered and birds aren't silent. Why can't I ?