"I loved him. I really did. But now there's nothing anymore." That's what I'd want to say. But this is not the truth. He was, he is still and he will ever be my brother, more than my brother : a twin. He's a half part of all me. And everywhere I go, he come with me. We're linked, definitely. And only him knows how much we've been linked, how much our link is consumed. We sed to be One, one heart, one mind, but two bodies and personnalities that teared us apart. I remember a dream I had had, once, when we were ten...
I was walking in the streets, Tarek by my side, our hands related. I turned my face to his, a grin on my lips, but he was crying. He looked at me, his mouth trembling, and he tightened his fingers around mine before opening his red lips. "Mehdi... One day you'll leave me don't you ?" I shivered. "No. Never. Why do you think such a thing would happen ?" He watch the ground, shake his head weakly. "I know it will. I feel it. You know, being closed in the dark, without a sound from outside, and away from home have an advantage : I feel some things long time before their happening..." I smiled, and giggled softly. "You stupid little squirrel... Don't worry, I'll never leave you nor let you down." He wiped his tears, and a weak smile appeared on his pretty doll-like face. I looked at his plumper cherry lips, his green as grass eyes, his tawny and long eyelashes, the thin eyebrows shirred by the fear, the freckles, the red cheeks and snub nose, his messy kinkyginger hair... And I cannot believe I had the same beautiful face.
When my brother returned from the asylum, he wasn't the same as the fragile boy of my dream. He was rude, mute and his look was really frightening. Every night became a nightmare. I cannot sleep while he was so close to me, able to make me Gods know what. And one night, he fell asleep long before me. His face regain her forgotten beauty, and I felt myself lean above his abandoned body. The moment my lips touched his, I felt a solid hand push me away, and heard his heavy breath. His eyes were searchind in the dark, and panic was readable in them. His entire body was shaking, and the moment I said his name and brushed his shoulder by my fingertips he relaxed. He didn't told me anything, and fell asleep again. I knew what he had lived in the hospital. But this evidence was really difficult to accept. As the weeks passed, I knew how he had managed to bury the pain deeply inside his heart and mind. And little by little, he became the most desirable creature the world had ever made. His only sight became a torture, and finally we argued so much that less than one year after his return, he kissed me and from the panic resulting by the effect it made me I runaway from him. The rage and anger he felt hadn't been matched since that day... I never forgived myself for that wound.
We were sixteen when we met alone for the first time. We hadn't been just him and me for years. And our teenage was really working on our minds and bodies... We knew since the second the door shut behind our mother that it wasn't a good thing. Not at all. Really. As we heard the foot steps fading away, our breathes became heavy. My twin was wearing large jeans and a thick white cardigan. It was the simplest clothes of the world, but oddly, I felt my body burning from its sight. He winked, and his light white arm seized mine. I shivered, and the taste of his luscious lips made me feel butterflies in my lower stomach. I grabbed his hips, and pushed him  to the ground without any precaution. I knew it was a real sin, the ultimate sin. I was about to have sex, whit a boy, my brother, and my twin ! I had sex.
I pushed my fingers inside of him, arshly, and he cried out. His cheeks turned red, and then I cannot stop myself and I took my fingers out to thrust my cock into him, hard. And it started.
"Mm-mehdi. Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh yes. Shit !
-F-fot fuck s-sake Rek. Sh-ut the h-hell up !
-Ah ha ! Oh god, yes, HARDER !
-Quiet !", I hissed.
"C-can't ! Gonna cum !"
I was too. He came. I felt his muscles clench around me and released.
We had sex this time, and the moment I collapsed on his body he stroked my cheek, and told me the only thing I would never had wanted to hear. "Now you are like all the other my brother. You are desiring me, but you don't even know me. Tell me... Who I am ?" Fear burned my mind. I stuttered weakly my answer while he was fading away in the dressing. "You are... Tarek Thompson. My twin. Half of my being. You are the reason why our nation is a survival one, and a kind boy. The one I like... As the thing making me completely alive." He laughed. "Ha ! "The thing", eh ? Yeah, I'm a thing. But I'm no a kind boy, I'm not even half of you anymore. I'm the reason why this world is gonna be Hell for you, and the whole family. And I'm so much more than your stupid little brain can ever understand. By the way... I'm mainly a slut." He said the two final sentences with the biggest sadness I'd ever felt. His clunched his fists and after putting on his clothes runaway by the window.
Now, we're falling appart. Completely. He doesn't need me. He doesn't need anyone, as he say. But I need him. Our love is not real anymore, but I miss my little squirrel. I remember our laugh, our arguements, his face when he sulked because I managed to go at the top of a tree. I don't even know hoow to climb on trees anymore, but he does. He is as the river, as the mountain, as the forest, as the plain, as the deer and as the shadowcat, he is nature. He is the spirit of light and darkness, fighting one and the other as long as he is alive. And I feel, as he fell hard from his horse and my cousin pass the victor line, that I will nevermore share a tiny thing with Elis.
And I fade away without a sound, carried by the wind, silenting the anger and pain of that definitive break-up. He doesn't wants to be my twin. He has forgot. But I will keep us.